If you think WLS has no effect on your brain you are greatly mistaken my friend! One of the first changes I noticed with myself has been my thinking. Part of the psychology of it is you have to 'reprogram' your brain to accept this new way of life. In addition to relearning how to eat there are also great mental challenges you have to go through.
Right now I am mentally preparing for surgery and the more I think about it the more I discover new aspects of my life that this procedure is going to change. Aside from the physical and health changes I am going to through, I am also gaining self confidence and courage. I am really looking forward to the possibility of being able to discontinue all of my medications too!!!
As for courage, I have had small specs of courage come out already. I have been being a bit bold this week. Self confidence is peeking it's gorgeous head in my life lately too. I have been making lists of things I want to do when I am finally healthy and able bodied. Like what you ask... Like entering a dance contest, participating in a marathon and about a million more adventures I have always wanted to do but have been putting off because I am not confident enough to do.
Now more of my genuine personality has started coming to the service. I have had up a defensive wall up and have been a not so nice person at times all due my insecurities because of my weight. But anyone who really gets to know me knows that I am nice, kind, happy person and more of that side of me has been evident the past month.
It is amazing, I haven't even had the surgery yet or even lost very much weight but something in my brain just knows that I am on my way to it and has already started changing to adapt to the new me!!!
Don't get me wrong I do not think WLS is going to cure all of my problems but I do believe it is the first step in the right direction!
Well I think that will be all my rambling for right now. Look for more to come soon!
17 days till surgery WOOHOO, I am getting supper excited!!!!
Hugs,
Zee
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Insomnia
Well I am writing this at 1:30 in the morning because I can not sleep. My mind is racing with a million what if's? I am natural born worrier so I have tried to keep my mind off of the surgery part of the process for as long as I could but at last it caught up to me! I guess it being 18 days out kinda put a spark in the old worry! There is really not too much left for me to do but sit and wait, I have one more pre-op appointment next week and then I am all done till surgery day. I do have some loose ends I need to tie up but I am not sure where to start with those.
I am still debating who really needs to know I am doing this. I mean well I am sharing it with everyone who has the internet but that isn't the hard part. If you found this blog you where looking to know more about WLS. I just don't know if I feel like going through the process of telling everyone and them asking me 101 questions. When this all began I was gung-ho about telling everyone in my life, I had made up my mind and that was that! But unfortunately I had a couple bad responses to the news that set me back. Don't get me wrong they did not change my mind for one second about what I was doing but they did make me not want to tell anyone else. It took to much strength to stand up for my decision I felt that maybe it would have been better not telling anyone at all. So now that I have told My best friend and my family I am not sure I want to tell any one else. I am sick and tired of being judged for doing what is best for me.
On the other hand what if something does happen to me and I don't make it through surgery? I know how I have felt when I have lost friends suddenly. There is one friend in-particular that I still think about and miss every day and when you loose someone young so quick it is hard and you wish you would have been able to say goodbye. So now the questions is do I tell everyone incase something happens so they will have closure?
So many options so little time to decide. Maybe a letter will be good enough. But how do you write that kind of letter? I can imagine the start "If you are reading this I didn't live through surgery...." that is some heavy stuff right there! Not sure I could produce one of those at this point.
All of this runs through my mind when I lay down to sleep and I can't get it to go away, so that is what brings me to writing at 1:45 in the morning when I should be cuddled up dreaming.
Oh and don't forget I have to make out a 'Living Will' (I know the fun keeps on coming tonight!) I am a fairly smart girl but when it comes to things like that I might as well be a 2 year old. I don't know what to do, it over whelm's me, I just want someone else to make that decision for me! But I know I am 28 years old and have to make that decision on my own, no matter how hard it is. So this brings me to the faith issue. Am I ready to meet my maker? What do I really believe in? Should I be kept on life support? and if so how long and under what circumstances? What happens if I don't do a 'Living Will'? I think that might be kinda selfish to put that decision on my parents but who knows maybe they would make a better choice than me! Lord knows I have not had the best judgement so far in my life.
Wow this is turning into a novel, LOL, and these are just my pre-op worries! I will need a ton more space for my post-op concerns! I guess after wake up alive in the recovery room I will start writing the post-op issues, haha, I sure do hope I wake up alive!!! Not sure I could handle another death of a close friend (hardy har har). My best friend told me "You better not die on me or I will go to TN and kick your dead ass!" can you feel the love :-) I told her I would haunt her if I died, I always like to have the last laugh, hehehe.
I think it is time for me to try and get some rest again I have to be up for work in 3 hours, UGH, work is not going to be fun today! Thanks for letting me babble (like you had a choice) and feel free to offer up any advice, but be nice I am already teetering on the edge of insanity!
Much Love,
Zee
I am still debating who really needs to know I am doing this. I mean well I am sharing it with everyone who has the internet but that isn't the hard part. If you found this blog you where looking to know more about WLS. I just don't know if I feel like going through the process of telling everyone and them asking me 101 questions. When this all began I was gung-ho about telling everyone in my life, I had made up my mind and that was that! But unfortunately I had a couple bad responses to the news that set me back. Don't get me wrong they did not change my mind for one second about what I was doing but they did make me not want to tell anyone else. It took to much strength to stand up for my decision I felt that maybe it would have been better not telling anyone at all. So now that I have told My best friend and my family I am not sure I want to tell any one else. I am sick and tired of being judged for doing what is best for me.
On the other hand what if something does happen to me and I don't make it through surgery? I know how I have felt when I have lost friends suddenly. There is one friend in-particular that I still think about and miss every day and when you loose someone young so quick it is hard and you wish you would have been able to say goodbye. So now the questions is do I tell everyone incase something happens so they will have closure?
So many options so little time to decide. Maybe a letter will be good enough. But how do you write that kind of letter? I can imagine the start "If you are reading this I didn't live through surgery...." that is some heavy stuff right there! Not sure I could produce one of those at this point.
All of this runs through my mind when I lay down to sleep and I can't get it to go away, so that is what brings me to writing at 1:45 in the morning when I should be cuddled up dreaming.
Oh and don't forget I have to make out a 'Living Will' (I know the fun keeps on coming tonight!) I am a fairly smart girl but when it comes to things like that I might as well be a 2 year old. I don't know what to do, it over whelm's me, I just want someone else to make that decision for me! But I know I am 28 years old and have to make that decision on my own, no matter how hard it is. So this brings me to the faith issue. Am I ready to meet my maker? What do I really believe in? Should I be kept on life support? and if so how long and under what circumstances? What happens if I don't do a 'Living Will'? I think that might be kinda selfish to put that decision on my parents but who knows maybe they would make a better choice than me! Lord knows I have not had the best judgement so far in my life.
Wow this is turning into a novel, LOL, and these are just my pre-op worries! I will need a ton more space for my post-op concerns! I guess after wake up alive in the recovery room I will start writing the post-op issues, haha, I sure do hope I wake up alive!!! Not sure I could handle another death of a close friend (hardy har har). My best friend told me "You better not die on me or I will go to TN and kick your dead ass!" can you feel the love :-) I told her I would haunt her if I died, I always like to have the last laugh, hehehe.
I think it is time for me to try and get some rest again I have to be up for work in 3 hours, UGH, work is not going to be fun today! Thanks for letting me babble (like you had a choice) and feel free to offer up any advice, but be nice I am already teetering on the edge of insanity!
Much Love,
Zee
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Embarrassing my doctor :-)
Do you think Dr. Boyce gets embarrassed when he reads my blog? Since I brag on him all the time! I hope not I am just stating what I think about him! I wouldn't drive 3 hours out of my way to go to a doctor I didn't think was the very BEST!!!! I truly wish everyone could be one of Dr. Boyce's patients! He has such a great program set up there in Knoxville, TN it is no wonder his center was one of the first in the Nation to be a Center of Excellence (lucky #7 actually)! At the New Life Center for Bariatric Surgery they help you from start to finish with your weight loss journey, because they know YOU are the key to success.
So I don't care if I do make him blush a little he deserves a big hug for helping so many people get the tools they need to become healthy!!!
I'm going to be a Dr Boyce cheerleader the rest of my life
"Ra-Ra-Ra
Watch out, we're here!
Everybody stand clear!
Let's shout, let's cheer!
Our victory is near!
Weight Loss, Weight Loss!
That's our name; we are the best!
Everybody stand clear!
Let's shout, let's cheer!
Our victory is near!
Weight Loss, Weight Loss!
That's our name; we are the best!
GGGOOOO Dr. BOYCE!!!!
Ra-Ra-Ra!!!!"
LOL can you tell I didn't attend many sporting events in high school?! But that me little cheer, I will work on it :-)
Talk to y'all soon!!!!
Much love,
Aziza "Zee"
Monday, September 14, 2009
Insurance for the Un-Insured!
Alrighty everyone I am in the home stretch, I have 27 days till my surgery day! One thing I was a bit worried about the surgery is the aftercare since I don't have insurance I was scared about what might happen incase I have complications! All of my worries where put to rest, last time I talked to Dr. Boyce he told me about this awesome coverage that is provided for his self pay patients. It is basically Post-Op insurance for people that don't have insurance, "Insurance for the Un-Insured".
It is called BLIS and it is only available through pre-approved surgeons. Yup you guessed it my wonderful Dr. Boyce is one of those selected to offer this awesome program! When Dr. Boyce told me about the insurance he was very excited to be able to offer this to his self pay patients. It gives us piece of mind. Dr Boyce has an excellent success rate and an extremely low complication percentage so I am positive I won't need to use BLIS but it is nice to know it is there just in case. Better to be safe than to be sorry!
Not every surgeon can be approved for BLIS it is a process they have to go through, and only the best is welcomed to offer BLIS.
Here is a link so you can read more about the BLIS program offered to Dr. Boyce's self-pay patients BLIS
All right y'all thats it for this post...... More to come....soon!
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